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Wednesday , April 16 , 2003

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 remote controlled robotic endoskeleton luddites
At least they weren't doing the Monster Mash.

I think that we as human beings don't invest enough technology into our bathrooms. I'm not talking about toilets, mind you. I think that the Japanese have pretty much got crapper technology covered, between automatic bidets and hot-air dryers, built-in internet access terminals, and remote-controlled heated seats (and sadly, I'm not making any of those up).

No, where I think we should invest our research dollars is the shower. While modern showers may excel in their capacity to spray water, we haven't really taken the time to develop some of their other features. People sing in them, yet we haven't really devoted dollars to expanding their sonic capabilities. Where are the showers with built-in karaoke devices? But the feature that I would most like to enhance is the shower's ability to jog one's memory.

For instance, last night, I could not for the life of me remember the word, "Luddite". I knew what it meant, and I tried looking it up through a number of resources that allow word lookups by definition. But no dice. Yet I step into the shower this morning, and within mere moments, I had total recall. If we could use modern technology to build on this natural ability of the shower, we'd be looking at a device that one could step into fairly unenlightened, and step out knowing the meaning of life, the location of Jimmy Hoffa, and how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if said rodent was in fact capable of lobbing lumber.

And on a completely unrelated note, Rodney King. What the hell, man. One would think that after being beaten, igniting the fires of race warfare, and causing massive rioting, the man would be doing everything in his power to avoid the police. If you ever needed support for the argument that some people are too stupid to live, I think this guy may just be your perfect poster child.

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Random Axe of Kindness, its characters, its jokes, and the phrase "invisible hot dogs" are © 2001-2003 Andy Simmons.

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