buy some crap at the RAoK store.

Friday , February 28 , 2003

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A box of double-lemon-fudge SHUTTHEHELLUP.

I like Girl Scout cookies. I do.

Yes, despite the fact that they are not made from actual Girl Scouts, nor are they made by actual Girl Scouts. In fact, most of us know by now that they are made in an offshore facility on an abandoned oil platform, baked by the same skilled hands of third-world child laborers that found themselves unemployed after the Kathy Lee Gifford gig went bust. Or maybe they're made by aliens. Or maybe they're made from vagrants that just kind of "disappear" off of the streets at night. You heard it here first, Soylent Pastry Cremes are made of people.

But anyway. I like the cookies. I just hate the sales tactics. An SUV-load of screaming little girls to break down your psychological defenses, and two soccer moms standing by as muscle. It's like a mafia shakedown, but slightly less greasy. It's extortion plain and simple. There they are, between you and the automatic doors at the grocery store. They know that you just came to get some bread or some aspirin. They know that you're in a hurry. And they know that screaming at you makes you want to punt one of the little sales-runts into the next shopping center. And you feel bad about that, so you buy the stinking Thin Mints, and every bite tastes like a mouthful of hate and regret. I hope you bought plenty of milk while you were in the store. (Dear National Dairy Council: please send the check to the usual address. Thanks!)

In other news, I've just submitted Random Axe of Kindness to KeenSpot for acceptance and inclusion amongst the comics there. I'm not getting my hopes up yet... I only get about 5,000 visits here per month... and the least popular KeenSpot comics usually get about six times that many.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, cross your fingers for me, and above all else, share RAoK with your friends. NOW.

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Random Axe of Kindness, its characters, its jokes, and the phrase "invisible hot dogs" are © 2001-2003 Andy Simmons.

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